How to Talk and Eat Like an Aussie

Can you understand this sentence? “My mate’s gone walkabout, and we were supposed to get chocka on capps and sammies this arvo at footy!” Well, I can! Translation: “I can’t find my friend, and we were supposed to fill up on coffee and sandwiches this afternoon at the football game!”

Now, to anyone else, the translation of such a mediocre sentence such as the one above would not be cause for celebration. But I think I deserve a cuppa tea for the accomplishment! Maybe even a chockie capp!

So you want to learn to talk like an Australian? I’ve yet to master the accent, other than basic observations such as the fact that Aussies love their T’s and Arizonans love their R’s. I’m tempted to give up on trying to pronounce the Aussie “o” as in “no,” but I’m too stubborn. Even the knowledge that I’m doomed to fail cannot deter me – I’ve still got three months to fail before I get it right! In the meantime, I’ll give you a few pointers on word choice:

* Want ketchup? Ask for tomato sauce.

* Want silverware? Ask for a serviette.

* Want fries? Chips is what they’re called both here and in England, but people aren’t picky. Half the places list them as fries anyway, so no worries – call them what you want.

* Responding to someone’s “thank you”? Any of the following will do: “No worries,” “Cheers,” or the simpler “Ta.”

* Didn’t understand what someone said? A simple “what?” is uncouth. Saying “pardon?” will keep you on the right side of the polite police.

* “How ya goin’ mate?” isn’t asking whether you’re taking the bus. Proper response: “orright.”

* “How ya findin’ it?” isn’t asking if you found your missing keys. Proper response: “orright.”

* Don’t say “ah-LOOM-i-num.” People won’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Here aluminum is aluminium, pronounced “al-u-MIN-ee-um.”

Note: If someone says you’ve got kangaroos loose in the top paddock or that the lift doesn’t go to the top floor, they’re insulting your intellectual adequacy. Now that you’re up on your Australian phrasing, that shouldn’t be the case.

In other news, I found a treasure trove of U.S. junk food the other day when I found upon a store across from the Queen Victoria Building that sells candies, etc. from the US, UK, & New Zealand. Some of the foods they carry and which many Aussies I’ve talked to have never tasted or have never even heard of:

* Root beer

* Reese’s peanut butter cups

* Graham crackers

* Hershey’s chocolate syrup

* S’mores gets an honorable mention here, even though they technically did not carry them in the store. I was flabbergasted when I mentioned S’mores around the campfire at my Jillaroo school and was met with a dozen blank faces. I’m not saying the States has it all together, but to not have the wonderful goodness of S’mores in your country? Why, it’s a tragedy worse than Romeo & Juliet and the saggy jeans fad put together!

Also interesting to note, there are a few foods that Aussies have but that taste different. Two examples: Aussie mayonnaise tastes more like Miracle Whip, and Aussie marshmallows are sweeter; to me, they taste like those sugar-coated marshmallow peeps.

And there you have it! You are on your way to talking and eating like a genuine Australian!!!